I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
