Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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