i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
