i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
