well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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