his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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