I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
