one might say we're banned from that church
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
