I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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