then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
