i need an iv and a liver transplant
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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