I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
