I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
