Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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