I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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