I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
