Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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