Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
