What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
