Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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