Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
