he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
