Do you still have your period?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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