Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
