Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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