When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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