Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
