like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
