The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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