he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
