I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
