need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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