This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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