I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
