so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
