Pants 0. Shit 1.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
