I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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