Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
People with herpes should wear stickers.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
