last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
