I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
