Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
