A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
