considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
