That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
