At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
