Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
