My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
