THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
