There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
