We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
