All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
